Bittersweet birthday...

So, yesterday at 6:59am I actually entered my 36th year. Moosie gave to me a hand-sewn elephant and 36 cents. Rokimus gave me a scarf he’s been knitting on for the past year. Speedy gifted me with a couple of wonderful cards and a picture of the digital camera body we’ll be ordering in the next day or two.

I went to the store to do the accounting things that need to be done every few days or so, then attending lunch with Mother, the Crazy Norwegian Woman, and a friend of my Mom’s whom I’ve known for many years. After a delicious lunch and visit, Mom wanted to go back to the store to work on some things that she still does and then I was off to pick up the kids from school. After homework we went to the closest town to meet my dad, sister, mother and CNW for a birthday supper. The service was lacking, but the food was great.

Speedy, the kids and I then went to Wally World to find Moosie a new book bag as her old one quit zipping up and Rokimus some new pants/shoes as his latest growth spurt has left us with 2 pairs of shoes & 3 pairs of school pants that are actually long enough. Then, it was home, where Moosie screamed for hours because she didn’t get any new clothes & Rokimus just sat quietly as he has gotten in MAJOR trouble lately and knew my patience was short. Then, off to bed. What a day.

Now, I know that all that sounds like a really trivial day. Very ho-hum. And I wasn’t sure if I’d actually post anymore than what I’ve already said. But, maybe, by writing this stuff out, it will help me get a grip.

You see, all day yesterday I knew that it was the last birthday I’d ever spend with my Mother there. I did not get any alone time with her. I forgot my camera; so there are no pictures for me to look back on to help remember that day. I had to hear her talk about how when she’s gone & I come across some quilting project that she hasn’t finished, I’m to give it to Ms. Faye to finish for me. I remembered some of the birthdays I had growing up. Like the one at MSMS when she traveled, by herself, to take me and some friends out to eat. You look back and think, I’ve been here 36 years, and I cannot imagine her not being there to call me on my birthday. Or to tell me that I’m doing a good job raising my children. Or to feel her arms around me when I feel so lost and confused about what I’m doing. She has always been the one to encourage my artistic nature. The one that’s excited about my new projects or ideas. We may not have always seen eye to eye, but there was never any doubt about her love for me. It’s a hard thing to swallow that a year from now, barring a miracle, she will not be the voice on the other end of the phone telling me happy birthday.

This too shall pass.

Take care.