Not too wordy...

Well, I suppose that one cannot accuse me of being too prolific with words on this blog. ;) I have not been wasting anyone's time or eyesight by updating unnecessarily.

It is also very difficult for me to believe that it's been so long since I've posted anything on here. I do believe that we've entered some space-time continuum.

We're all doing quite well. As with anything in life, there's ups, downs and in-betweens. The main thing is we are still hanging in there and doing the very best we can. I'm coming more and more into the mindset that life is what you make of it. Shit happens and if you let yourself solely focus on that, then shit is what you'll get out of it. I'm trying to stay out of the shit - it stinks, is hard to clean up and leaves a lingering smell and yuck factor.

The kids are doing great. Racing has started back and already we've been to Talladega for Rokimus to race. A wicked fast, 1/4 mile, high-banked track where, in both classes, he qualified 5th and finished 2nd. He turned a 10.95 second lap in one of the races, so that'll tell you he was going pretty fast. :) My gray hair count went up significantly this weekend. Moosie will start her racing season this weekend at our local track race night.

Speedy has had some job changes as his hospital got bought out at the beginning of the year. There's always an adjustment period, but he's hanging in there and putting feelers out for jobs in other areas. With his dad being gone, we don't feel comfortable moving too far away yet, so we'll have to see how it all pans out.

Homeschooling is still happening and I'm happy to report that I'm much more laid-back about it this year. The kids are in charge of their own time management, and while it's not the perfect scenario every week, they are doing pretty good with it. For some reason, they don't like the idea of having to complete schoolwork on the weekends at the track in between races. ;)

I've had another bone growth on my other hand come up in the past month or so, and have gotten an appointment with the rheumatology center in May. The hand doc that performed my last surgery seems to think that's the direction we need to head in. Right now, it's not terribly painful or large so it's pretty much a non-issue other than finding out why in the world my bones feel the need to produce like rabbits in places that have no need of extra growth. On the other hand, (no pun intended) I'm really not concerned with osteoporosis.

Well, that's enough babble for now. Hope all four of you that read this are doing well. I know that three of you are, but for my anonymous reader that emails once in a blue moon - I really hope life's going well for you! :) Look me up on facebook if you'd like. I'm much more (sporadically) likely to update there.

Take care - Me

Happy Birthday Mom...

I miss you.

Much has gone on in the last few months. Racing season has started and I've even tried my hand at kart racing. I'm really looking forward to trying it again. I feel if I could just stop giggling while racing, I'd do much better! I also was offered a deal with a kart racing magazine for my photos. Pretty exciting stuff.

Then the bottom dropped out - again. My father in law, Grandaddy Chief, passed away suddenly a few weeks ago. He died exactly how he'd always said he wanted - fast & in his sleep. He was such an amazing man. Patience, acceptance, knowledge and understanding inhabited his very being. He was pretty much the center of my children's world and I didn't mind one bit. He would call when we were schooling at the store and see if he could pick them up. He just happen to "need" to come to town and thought he'd get them if they were done with school work. I think I always said yes. Telling our son and daughter that he'd died was the hardest, most heartbreaking thing we've ever done. I felt my son's heart break. I felt my daughter's world crumble and there was nothing I could do about it.

We are getting better, but there are moments when I just want to rage at the higher power. Why? What are we supposed to learn from this? What possible benefit could there be in taking the two most cherished grandparents from my children? I just don't get it.

So, on this, my mother's birthday, I find that I'm between anger, tears and an almost empty, hopeless feeling. There are two less people in the world that accepted me as is, did not try to change me, and loved me unconditionally.

I miss you. I miss your voice in my ear, your hand on my shoulder, your guidance for me and my children and most of all, I miss your love.

Take care - Me

Why pollen is not the cause of my watery eyes...

This is not the happiest time of the year for me. It's getting better, but sometimes I forget why I'm not all excited and happy with Spring and Easter. Then I remember. And really, as a friend and I were talking about the other day, Life moves on - whether we want it to or not.

This was what was happening three years ago. Three years. Thirty-six months. 156.5 weeks. 1,095.7 days. Too many tears to count.

Take care - Me

Not so pissy, hopefully...

I've been told my previous post came across as high & mighty. The easy thing to do would be to delete the post or to just ignore that. I'm doing neither. It really aggravates me when posts are deleted.

What I am going to do is clarify a bit.

By no means do I think that I am better than another. I love reading political ideas posted on my friends blog and look forward to them. Even when I don't agree 100%, I like hearing ideas and reading things that make me think. He definitely does that & I greatly appreciate his zest for bettering our country.

The whole teaching the kids by example, do unto others, thing came from my own home life earlier in the day when the kids were attempting to get on my very. last. nerve. They were constantly berating each other and mocking each other - something I do not tolerate at all. I did not mean to come across as everyone who reads this (thanks all 4 of you for reading) should take up this for their own lives.

The grief thing has been clarified off blog. I will no longer hide that grief if I feel the need to blog about it. So be prepared. I think I'm really surprised with myself for continuing to have strong grief. I know that the average grieving period is four years, but I really thought I'd have a better handle on it. Maybe if I'd taken the time two years ago to really grieve it would be different. I didn't have that option though with having to run a business before, during and after Mother died. I do have anger issues that I'm trying to let go. I'll get there, it's just slower than I thought it would be. I am getting better with grief, I've been able to smile about a memory the kids brought up. I waited for the tears, but they didn't come. That's progress.

I will not apologize for saying that the politicians are evil. I think there needs to be a MAJOR house cleaning in Washington. They have become complacent, greedy and out of touch with what the majority of Americans are going through. I love Marcus' idea of having them make the same that their voters make! I also think they should not have the special medical services they do. They should have to pay for insurance like everyone else. All special treatments/benefits should be removed.

OK, I need to get off here now. Hopefully this will help clarify things and not come across as pissy as yesterday. :)

Take care - Me

Blah, blah blah

So, I'm still alive and how are you? :)

We went to NYC and let me just tell you - I will be going back. What a fabulous city! The architecture, diversity, subways, food, people... AMAZING! My daughter is even trying to talk me into a "girls" only weekend trip - she's 9 and realizes how great it was!

The day we got back I had to start the backdrop for our church children's choir Christmas special. It was only 8' x 24' and had to be done 4 days before originally scheduled! No worries, it got done and the show was great.

Christmas came and went, the kids got iPod Touches from Santa, Moosie had hers stolen from the store within a week of getting it. Papa & I went in together to buy her a replacement. The perpetrator is still out there and the law knows where they are, but no action has been taken yet as they are wanting to get them on other charges too.

New Years came and went, we've had snow and cold weather. Unusual for our area. We also survived indoor kart racing with both kids winning their classes. We start up the regular races later this month.

I think that about hits the "what we've been up to" blah. Now, here's some tidbits that may or may not interest you.

Recently, I stopped to help someone who was having car trouble. Back road, middle of nowhere, on my way to work and kids in the truck. Told kids to stay in there, locked the doors, dude was out of gas, a friend of mine stopped by and offered to get the gas for him. Went on to work, found out later broke down dude was arrested later that day and would be extradited to Florida on child porn charges and alleged child murder.

I really haven't felt like blogging. I don't want this to be a rant and rave reading area and that's what I feel like it was becoming. Yes, I still miss Mother. It's still hard and there are times when the grief takes my breath away. Do you really want to hear about that? I know of one friend that really doesn't. He really doesn't get the depth of grief when losing someone you love that much. So I don't post it.

Speaking of that friend, he likes to rant about the Republican party and it's evils. That's fine, his opinion-his blog. Personally, I think they're all evil. Republican, Democrat, Independent - doesn't matter. They are after their own personal wealth and advancement. Noone is perfect and it certainly doesn't make me feel any better to tear someone down that I know or don't know personally. I'm not into that. I have really been trying to do that whole treat others how you want to be treated. I cannot teach my children that if I'm not living it. So, I'm trying to live it.

Speaking of teaching - we are still homeschooling. I think we're doing pretty good considering we all still have our hair and are still alive. ;) Actually, lately, it's been going very well. I think we've settled into it and are enjoying the learning process together. I like having the kids around and seeing them learn new things and think of new ideas.

Here's some links I've found recently and think are interesting:

Stupid Votes

Daily Howler

The Non Sequitur

The Stopped Clock

NYC Photos:

Take care - Me

Holy Cats!

I cannot believe it's been so long! Since I've joined the Facebook world, I guess I've just forgotten about the blogland.

We've been pretty busy, but things are going pretty good.

Last month found us in South Carolina for the Maxxis National Championship kart races. Rokimus made the show both days as did Moosie. (Moosie was in the beginner class, so all those karters were allowed to race the feature.) Moosie did not race Sunday as she felt it was not worth it if they weren't going to put transponders on the karts. (Transponders keep track of speed and racing positions.) Rokimus had some rough luck on both days of racing, but he kept on driving! It amazes me that he has such drive and heart for this sport. As soon as his jacket, gloves and helmet go on, he is one focused person! We have two more races on the schedule for this year. This weekend will find us in Brandon, MS at our first attempt for indoor kart racing. Both kids will race, with Rokimus racing in at least two classes, probably three. The following weekend will be a local track make up race for points. After that, I'll be racing to get the house work done that doesn't seem to get done during racing season.

I'm also planning for a trip next month to NEW YORK CITY!! :) I'm very excited and very nervous. As one who does not care for people invading my personal space, I feel it will be a very "learning" experience. We'll be there for about a week and plan to take in the Sony Wonder Lab, the Rockettes at Radio City, Lady Liberty (including the crown), not to mention the art museums and of course, the window displays! We're staying at the Hotel Beacon for most of the trip, so I'm thinking of getting us tickets to a show at the Beacon Theatre for one of those nights. Actually, just now, linking the Theatre, I've found a Cirque du Soleil performance at the WaMu that looks great!

I did have my hand doc appointment last month. He's released me. They are thinking that it's becoming an arthritic situation. Right now, there's not enough pain for me to see a specialist. Last week, I did have to get one finger sliced open due to an infection around my nail that puffed up and looked horrendous! It felt even worse. I'm on antibiotics for a few more days and the finger is much better!

So, really, besides the homeschooling, racing, trip-planning, working and minor health issues, life is good here. :)

Take care - Me

Can we keep her?

I am currently hosting a friend's daughter. I have had the privilege to have her in my house since Sunday afternoon. I think the plan (her parent's plan) is for her to return home on Saturday. Their plan and mine do not match up. I think I'm keeping her. I know I want to. I think that she's really my daughter, I just didn't give birth to her. I guess that would have to count for something though - the whole birth-giving thing. The thing is, even my kids want to keep her. I think we've rescued too many strays - they think if a creature stays around for more than a night or two, they get to decide if we keep it or not.

So, while I don't think my plan to keep her will work out, I do want her folks to understand that they have done a fantabulous job raising this young lady. I also want to let you know that we may not be available to answer any phones or emails until I'm ready to give her up. We have caller ID & know how to use it. :) I also know Mar's love for the roads that have to be taken to get to my house, so I feel somewhat safe keeping her at my house.

I may be able to bribe my children into releasing your child back into your custody if we can hand-deliver her and insure that she is better off at your house by having an in-home evaluation period of a few days.

I'm just say'n.

Take care - Me

Life lately...

I know it's been a while since my last real update on here, but really, when life gets as strange as it's been - it's just hard to actually put it all into words. And it really does seem surreal. And it doesn't seem to be letting off either.

Grab some coffee - iced if you're down south and temps are setting records.

About mid-May, my newest girl dog (named incredibly, creatively Girl) jumped the backyard fence via some left over brick stacks and got hit by our music minister in our driveway. She disappeared for a couple of days but upon arrival I knew something was drastically wrong. Her back leg would not work at all. It simply hung and was incredibly swollen. Several hundred dollars later, no less than 2 surgeries involving pins and screws, 5 weeks in the house, one remote, 2 CDs, 1 book, 2 notebooks, 1/2 bottle of GermX and 2 knitting projects later and she's doing just fine having been returned to the backyard. Where she wants to be. Where my hubby wants her to be. What kind is she you ask? What special breed is this worthy canine? She is a mutt, the best kind in my opinion. She wandered up last winter and we've kept her. I even had her trained. So, she is a very very expensive mutt that prefers to be in the backyard and doesn't want to come out of that yard. And all those trips back and forth to the vet? She shits. Profusely. In the Honda. Consistently. Even if no one feeds her. Even if we walk her for an hour before the trip. Profuse. Stinky. Shit.

Here's Girl on her recovery pillow.

Mother's stone on a beautiful hill in Wisconsin.

About the time Girl got done with the 2nd surgery, I received a call from my aunt telling me that Mother's stone was set. Crooked. Very unleveled. As in, she noticed it before she got out of her car. One cousin stated that Ray Charles could have set it straighter. So, I call the memorial company (18 hours away from here) and arrange for them to meet my aunt/cousins, etc. to have it straightened. She calls after that. Yes, it's beautiful. It's straight. Unfortunately, it's not over Mother. Huh? Mother is not in the plot she should be in. You see, my mother always had a terrible sense of direction and apparently, something carried through even after death. She was buried (last year, the first time) in one of my aunt's plots. Even though my sister and I went back and forth with the cemetery folks for 2 months or more before burying her urn. Now, they've put her in the wrong plot. I mean, what exactly do you call that? Reburial? Replanting? Transplanting? F!&$ up? That's what I call it. Especially when they have the audacity to give us 2 options: 1) We can come up and move her ourselves; 2) We can pay them AGAIN to move her. WTF?! Do they honestly think that I'm going to pay them one more cent, much less let them place a finger on her urn?! Incredible! And when speaking to my sister about this on the phone, they made a comment about what they had done when this had happened previously. So, needless to say, my sister and I flew up to Wisconsin to take care of Mother (we did) and to settle some land deed issues. I can actually say that after 37 years I was finally able to put my mother in her place! (I never would have done that while she was alive!) :)

Mother's stone, with Mother's urn in the midst of the reburial, replanting, putting in place, etc.

Also, I finally returned to the hand specialist for the surgery follow up. (delay much, me?) One spot was an osteochondroma and is now gone from all images. The other spot (on top of the knuckle) was removed, and is growing back. ARGH! This week I returned to try another round of cortisone in that area. My goal is to delay yet another surgery for as long as possible. If you're keeping count, it will be the third surgery.

So, while all that was going on, racing is still happening. We've learned that sometimes races can last onward of 12 hours. And sometimes they race in outdoor, concrete surrounded horse arenas.

The kids finished school in the top of their class. They also got to study counting money for 3.5 weeks and then moved on to measurements - on a ruler. So, after much consideration, prayer and research, I am going to be homeschooling them next year. I'm scared shitless.

That's about it. I'm sure I've forgotten somethings. As you can see, I've had a bit of bizarre going on, so it's hard to remember all of it. Oh yeah, I just remembered something. Today I got a letter informing me that there has been suspicious activity under a credit card. A credit card in Mother's name. Now, I remember calling all of her credit card companies last year and canceling them and shredding the cards. I remember having to repeat over and over less than two weeks after her death that she was dead to every single company. Sometimes more than once to more than one person. So, yes, I would say that it's suspicious activity! Now, I've got to get all of that straightened out. I really do wonder when all of that will be at peace. 'Cause really? I'm so done with strange shit that happens after someone dies. How much are we expected to deal with? Isn't it bad enough we had to watch our mother suffer and live with the knowledge she was going to die soon? Isn't it bad enough that she's gone way too early? When is it enough?

So, that's all that's going on here. Hope all is well with you. I'll try to do better about updating. :)

Take care - Me

4,000...

Holy cats, 4,000 poor souls have taken the time to view my small corner of the blogosphere. In reality, it's probably the same 4 friends checking to see if I've finally updated. For you and any others that have listened to my random thought process, my grief, my rants and my crazy take on things in general - I thank you humbly from the depths of my heart.

Take care - Me

Update, but not here

For those of you with access, I've uploaded pictures to the private site. As it's not been updated since January, I figure you've given up on me ever updating. :)

For those of you who have not been invited, let me know & if I think you're not some insane, child-molesting stalker type, then I might give you access.

http://knitforknotgivesthanks.blogspot.com/

Take care - Me

Warning... Warning...

This is to the Fairhope constituents:

In just under 36 hours I will be invading your space. As you well know, I have not been there for one year. That's right, 8,784 hours or 366 days or 12 months - however you choose to look at it. I thought I should give proper notice as you may not remember what my vehicle or my person looks like in your driveway. I do not want you sending the cat out to attack me.

Let it be known, you have been warned in advance of my upcoming arrival.

Thank you - Me.

We have SNOW!!

Pictures to follow later - I just wanted to let ya'll know that we have falling white stuff outside. The dogs are mystified and poor Moosie got her gloves on backwards as she hasn't had that much experience putting them on. :)

Gotta go, I know it won't last long!

Take care - Me

Too busy to think of a title...

So, hang on, here it goes - the update of life.

Go Karts are ready to ride. I'll try to post pics of both as soon as I have a moment to breathe, maybe in a few years.

Kids did great at science fair. They're in the same category this year - microbiology. Moosie took 2nd & Rokimus took 1st. We'll be heading to State in a few weeks.

Hubby is doing great as he's still hanging on for the ride. :)

The store is down one employee (not owner yet) and I think we'll try to keep it that way for the next couple of months.

I'm having another surgery tomorrow in Big City with the hand doc I saw a couple of weeks ago. This means that I've been running around doing, as Marcus calls it, the flight of the bumblebee. All the things I know I will have trouble with for the next few weeks I have tried to get accomplished in the past week or so, and especially today. Floors, bathrooms, sheets, laundry, etc. Speedy & I will leave in the morning in time to drop the kids at school & then head over. He figures we'll be back tomorrow evening sometime. They will be sending whatever they get from the two spots being removed to pathology & I'll let you know when I get those results.

Hope everyone is doing well! And Shannon, yes, I saw Bruce's lovely slide into the camera and noticed that the cameras did not show him for the next few moments. LOL

Take care - Me

Oh yeah in the midst of all of this, it will be one year next week since Mother passed on. That is it's own blog entry within and of itself.

Manna from Mobile...

Strange week at the tire store. The other day, before the two New Yorker's came in, we had a lovely couple from Mobile, AL getting a flat repair. Of course, I had to talk to them about Naman's and Carpe Diem. We had a great visit and they were soon on their way.

This morning, I am typing this with a slice of heaven, or tiramisu, in front of me. That couple brought me a piece after visiting Naman's yesterday. They wanted me to be able to eat it fresh, this morning with my coffee. Now, that is the way to start my Thursday morning! And that is what makes dealing with the public worth it.

Take care - Me

Strange days...

So, it's not often that I feel the need to post something that's happened at the tire store. However, this is something that some of you may find interesting.

Two guys had a blowout last night and were told to come to us this morning for a replacement. (They needed four tires of course. People just don't rotate & air them like they should.)

Anywho, come to find out, they're from New York, just outside the city. Close, very close, to where my cousin Cathy lives. They also work for Apple!! I do believe that they were surprised to see me pull out my iPhone when it rang, and further surprised to find out I do graphics on my MacBook Pro or my iMac and am still running files off my G3. They're a band called Head Trip Conception and had been to New Orleans playing a gig. I've linked to their name, or you can google them.

They've left me a demo CD but I haven't had a chance to listen yet. The description sounds interesting. They were very nice young men and I hope to listen to it shortly.

Take care - Me

My iphone says Merry Christmas

Hope you've had a good one!

Take care - me

Surprise cookies...

Now, you may be thinking that the title should have a comma in between the surprise and cookies. Yes, I know that it's been over a month since my last post. Right now, as in right this moment, I'm doing pretty good. During this first Christmas without Mother, that tends to change moment by moment.

Here's the recipe and photos of a cookie Mother used to make for Christmas. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do.

Take care - Me

Hands and jobs...

No, not hand jobs, hands AND jobs...

I went to the specialist today. He comes highly recommended and is actually covered by my insurance - double bonus! In his words, it's just bad luck that they all occurred at the same time. They are not connected. The one on the back of my hand is fairly common, even for my age. The one where the previous surgery occurred is less common, but not a bone spur. It's a calcified mass in my tendon. It's not very harmful at this point and the consensus is that it should be left alone for now. The spot on the back of my thumb is very unusual and is a bone spur, or osteophyte. Since I'm currently on 2400mg of ibuprofen/24 hours and still having some pain, it's felt that cortisone shots would not benefit me much. So, the current plan is for me to stick it out as long as I can and then we'll have to go in again and shave this spot off.

Since I was in a city that actually has a real yarn store, I went by there. It was open today and what beautiful yarns! Mother and I had stopped by there last year before it was open. Mother was able to sweet talk the owner into letting us drool over the stock she had gotten in even though we couldn't purchase anything. The owner remembered me and asked about Mother. I lost it. Knowing that Mother would love that store - the yarns, books, needles and atmosphere, I just missed her deep in my soul. I wanted her to be there to share that with. I wanted her input on the textures and colors of kettle dyed skeins and rolls of silken alpaca. I needed her there physically. The owner was great, she hugged me and walked around with my while handing me tissues. She had lost her mother and father within four months of each other. She knew. The other patrons helped too, patting me, mentioning this stitch or that, letting me know that I was not alone in that place. I bought a significant amount of yarn along with a new book. I was able to walk out without tearing, but once I got to the car, I lost it again. And lost it almost the entire way home. Then, I got it together again.

Amazingly, right after I got it together today I received an call from a screen printing business that is in need of a graphic artist. The pay isn't all that great, but it would be fun to be making some money doing something creative. Also, the owner seems to be a very level-headed, nice person and she comes highly recommended from the artist who has been working for her. I'm supposed to call her back tomorrow.

The kids are doing great - they love TAG and if it weren't for that day, I'd be having a lot of trouble keeping them interested in school. Rokimus had the last points race of the season this past Saturday. He got moved up to a more advanced class for that race as he had won every race this season in the other class. I was somewhat concerned as this puts him racing against kids that are around 3-4 years older. Silly me. He timed the fastest, started the heat race on pole and was able to hold off the very aggressive 2nd place feature driver. Even after that kid spun him out and ended up hurting not only his own kart, but another one as well. So, Rokimus was able to win every race this season and had only one race that he didn't start on the pole due to mechanical issues. In that one, he started the feature last, passed 6 carts and finished first. Proud mama? Yeah, I am. :)

Speedy is also doing good. He's planning on racing this Saturday, so he's been busy getting his car ready. Again, I'm very glad he races instead of hunting. At least the family can be involved in racing. I have no desire to shoot a bambi.

Take care - Me

Hey Sis...

Happy Birthday!! :) I love you.

Also, here's the logo I'm working on for next year's Relay. Let me know what you think. 

For everyone else - she has dial up & can look this one up quicker than trying to download an attachment. Sorry for the nonblog, I'll try to entertain you in the near future.

Thanks!

Take care - Me

Help, please...

OK. So I maybe am not the best at asking for help. Especially from what may be complete strangers, but most likely are folks that have known me for 20 years. (Scary thought, huh?!)

** warning - long post! grab coffee, take a pee break and prepare to be bored! **

If you tuned in a few months ago, you read this, this, or this. I had an osteophyte (bone spur) at the MCP Joint on my left thumb. In other words, a somewhat large, hard bump on my lower thumb joint that was causing quite a bit of pain not only in my hand, but up my arm as well. The decision was made that they would go in and shave off the protrusion. They did. They also found a pocket of "cream cheese looking" stuff that was sitting on a nerve bundle/artery. They removed that successfully and the path showed nothing remarkable. I've healed quite nicely from that surgery.

Unfortunately, in under two months, not only has that one started returning, I now have two additional spurs. One is on the back side of that same thumb, and the other is on the middle lower on the same hand, just to the right of the forefinger metacarpal, above the carpal. (image for those who need it - like me.) So, I'm now sitting here with three bone spurs. The original one was thought to have been caused by possible trauma. I noticed it shortly after Mother's death and I really don't remember that time very well. I since seen an orthopedic surgeon because I have the desire to know why. The original surgeon (a plastic surgeon with hand cert) wanted to just go ahead back into it and remove all three. I wanted more information. I want to know that when we go back in there I won't be facing this surgery again in another 2-3 months.

The new guy (ortho) has tested me for gout, osteo and rheumatoid arthritis. He ordered an MRI. At my last appointment, I ended up feeling very sorry for him as he stood there and told me several times that he does not know what's causing this. He has not ever seen this or heard of this occurring in this short amount of time. We do feel very confident that it's not cancer. That it's not life or limb threatening. That is very reassuring.

So, it's come down to whether or not I continue on to see an actual hand specialist. Do I go ahead and spend the time and money now, before the pain is worse and more consistent, or do I wait until the pain is at a level that is equivalent to when the first surgery was scheduled? What are the chances that they will just dissolve away? Grow? More show?

I don't want to leave you with the impression that there are gigantic growths on my hand. They aren't. They are not to the size in the picture on the previous blog post. Of course, they've not had the 4 months to grow to that size yet either. And maybe they won't. They are large enough that if I move my hand in certain ways, they are visible. The thumb ones don't really need much movement, if any, to be visible.

I'm sorry to keep going on and on about this, but I'd love some input from unbiased people. From people that perhaps haven't heard my story about it and are coming at this from a fresh start. Because honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm paranoid and just need to leave it alone. Other times, I feel like rushing to the nearest surgeon just to get these things off my body.

Thanks for your time.

Take care - Me