Jealousy...

Jealousy

After thinking about my previous post, I have come to the realization that I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the people that are able to be with my Mother whenever they want. The ones that get to be with her at the times when she's feeling better and more alert. Not just early in the mornings when she's so tired and weary, or in the evenings when she's so worn out from all the visitors and just the day itself. A part of me feels that I'm only getting the leftovers, not the full-hot out of the oven parts. I realize that this is not anyone's fault, and that if they could change things, they would. They are not intentionally keeping me away from her. This is just the way it is right now.

It's very hard to balance my personal family of the kids and husband with my mother's needs, running her business, keeping my business going and just life in general. I know that the balance will come, it's just the transitional phase that seems to be kicking my ass at times.

I'm very happy that my sister and mother have become closer. They used to be so close that at times I would feel left out, as a third person often does. This doesn't mean they loved me any less. I cannot tell you how I thank God now that they have "found" each other again. For both their sakes. They need each other, and we all need one another to make it through this. Sister, if you have read this blog, I'm sorry that I came across so harsh. There are times when I need to vent, even if that vent seems irrational and angry.

So, today is a new day. The sun has risen again and I can hear the birds outside my window. Last night's rain has given way to filtered sunlight sparkling off the cedar branches. This is a new day for hope.

Take care - me