Monday, April 23, 2007

Road Bumps...

Note: This was written a few days ago. I'll try to update tonight or tomorrow.

I'm sitting by my mother's bedside listening to the drip provide her undernourished body with much needed fluids. I'm looking out of a sixth floor window over the Big City area. Our journey has started and we've hit some bumps. I'll give you the bumps and the views if you'll give us prayers.

The surgery went well. There were no complications and she did not even have to go into ICU, as was expected. The surgeon was able to do a bypass so that her food will digest & process through her system much more effectively now. She's had a fairly good day today and has even been for two walks! She's also been attempting to set my sister up with the cute single doctors, but I'm unsure if that's views or bumps at this point. :)

The surgery was shorter than we'd expected. Because it was shorter, she did not have to go to ICU. She's been attempting to set my sister up with the cute single doctors. What's that you said? Those bumps don't seem so bad when put like that, do they? Well then, let me explain a bit. You see, she should have had what's "commonly" referred to as a whipple surgery. I use that "commonly" loosely here due to the fact that pancreatic cancer is just rare. It's not common at all. Add to that fact, that of this rare pancreatic cancer, her type of cancer is in only 5% of that. Also add in that the tumor is in her bile duct, sitting on top of a nerve plexus, close to an artery. Also, please note that said cancer has now spread to her liver. The whipple was unable to be performed due to the spread of this monster and the location of this monster. When Mother gets out of this hospital and regains some strength, we're hoping to start chemo. There's a type of chemo that has shown promising results with this cancer. Good news, huh?! Yes, it is. And I don't want you to be sitting there thinking I'm being sarcastic. I'm not. I'm very grateful that there is a chance I will have my mother around another possible 6 months or longer. You read that right. Without treatment, we're hoping for 5-6 months. With treatment, the average is 11 months. Mother doesn't really care about chemo. In fact, just last week she was saying absolutely not to it. Amazing what really knowing what you have can change perspective. She's now willing to try chemo. If it diminishes quality of life then it's a no go.

Here's what I know. I know my mother will live life on her terms, not cancer's. I know that she is not afraid of death, or what comes after. I know that Faith has seen us this far, and Faith will see us through to our very own ends. I know that I love her, and she loves me. I know that I will be here for her as long as she needs me. I know that I am hoping and praying that she will need me for years from now.

I also know that I want to go home to my children and husband. I want to tell them to take a shower they don't want to take, brush the teeth they don't want brushed. I want to hold them and read them a bedtime story. I want to fall asleep and wake up knowing this has all been a horrible dream. I also know that there are some things I just cannot have.

Take care - me

1 comment:

camille said...

I love you! Please know I am there in spirit giving you all the biggest hug I can give and sending so much love and light and positive energy your way.