Monday, February 5, 2007


Yesterday when I woke up, I felt great. I was looking forward to the day and had a great disposition upon waking up. That should have been my first clue that something was not quite right. You see, I am by no means a morning person. Even my children know this. They know to wait until after my 2nd cup of coffee before attempting to get me to comprehend something. So, anyway, the morning was great, we even decided to go to the backyard church.

Now, I'm not a big fan of the backyard church, or any church of that denomination really, but it's literally in our back yard. Convenience is a hard thing to break. Especially when the church I'd like to attend is about 15 miles away. So, we walk to church, the sun is shining, birds are singing... I was expecting a little cricket to jump in and break out in song. The message of the preacher was pretty good, and the kids were behaving... CLUE 2. (life's just too good at this point, I really should have paid attention to the signs more)

It's getting to the closing part, you know, where the congregation stands & sings and the preacher is standing up there just praying for someone, anyone to come down front and the people are already thinking of what they're going to eat for Sunday dinner when IT HIT.

Shooting pain from my ear up my head. Loud roaring and pain. What a way to finish up a spiritual moment. Though I must admit, my prayer level was kicked up a notch. Then of course, the dizziness started. Not too bad, just enough for Speedy to look at me and ask if I was OK. Um... nope, not OK, but I think I can make it home.

So, back through the yard to the house. Moosie kept me steady as I walked. I took the meds I have for just such an occasion & sat down. This "fit" (as I like to call them) was not too bad. I was nauseous this time, which is not normal for me, but the overall dizziness wasn't too bad. I was able to remain sitting so long as my feet touched the floor and I stared at one spot on the wall. You see, my mind knows that the walls and floors don't move and I can reason that I'm not actually moving, though it may seem like it. The noise in the ear, the pain and the apparent spinning do not make for a beautiful day, let me tell you. Luckily this all only lasted about 30 - 45 minutes. Not too bad. I've had it last for hours before.

Afterwards, well, I'm tired. Bone tired. Not really sleepy, though I did do quite a bit of that, but just worn out. And I will be for a few days. The good news is I only have one of these "fits" about once a year, so I figure I'm good to go for another 364 days. :)

The bad news is that I don't know when they will come, there is no cure, and most likely at some unknown point in the future it will get worse. I take daily meds for it and they've helped alot, but it's no cure. Even the specialists don't know much about this thing and can't tell too much other than what someone who has it already knows. Another sucky thing about this condition is that there are no outward signs. And there is not much information out there about this, so you just wind up telling people you don't feel good and they look at you like you're a weakling, a person that just doesn't want to "deal" with life. Well, screw you buddy.

Today, the day after, is the pissed off day. Yes, I normally have those after a fit. It's the day of saying WHY? Why in the world did I end up having this? Why am I one of the 615,000 in the U.S. to have this bestowed upon them?

Today is also the thankful day. I only have the reminder of this disease about once a year. Most days I go through life not even thinking of it. Some, in fact, many with it are not so blessed and have to go through severe procedures and take heavy prescriptions. So really, I just need to shut up about the why me and start saying thank you to the Beings that Be. Thank you.

So, the modal sheets didn't get cut into strips for knitting, I got to lay on the couch and hold my beautiful daughter, hear her tell me she loves me and have my son come in and rub my sholders, sit with me and give me hugs. I got to have my hubby tell me to not do anything but take care of me. Maybe the day was a great one after all. Much to be thankful for, and I am.

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